They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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