I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
