He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize