I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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