the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
