Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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