your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
