OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
