I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
