im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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