i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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