how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
