the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
