I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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