is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
