apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How does one acquire holy water?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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