If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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