im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
