so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
