oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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