is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
