DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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