positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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