i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
