i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is Oprah even human
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
