I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize