At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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