My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
