It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
