Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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