i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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