Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
