Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
