no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize