i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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