It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
