my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
