I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
