I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
