Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
