He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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