my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
