We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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