weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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