Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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