So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
