We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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