Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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