Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize