Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's the barista slut.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
