hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
