Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I AM VODKA MAN
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
