he shaved USA in his pubs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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