What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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