what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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