someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
