I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
