TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
