SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
