so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Non-Jews are for practice
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize