my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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