im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
