tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
