I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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