Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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