Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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