First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
