she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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