well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
