I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
