he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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