I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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