Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize