I cannot find my penis.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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