His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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