other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
