Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
