i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
