ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
