do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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