addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
