thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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