You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
