Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
