im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
