If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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