She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
