Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All the doctor said was why
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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