hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
