I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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