Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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