my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
