The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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