That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
