Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
