Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
