I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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