I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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