Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
