Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
