sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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