Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
