...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
