Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
