theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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