Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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