pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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