Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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