Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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